Your Spouse Won’t Help You To Fix Your Marriage? 3 Things To Keep In MInd.
It isn’t easy to fix your marriage that soured. (Duh. No kidding!) It takes lots of time, emotional energy, and effort. This is true even in a situation that you both want to “make it work”. However, when you are the only one trying to make it better then it is much much more difficult. This being true, it is only natural and logical that you want your spouse to also work on it.
In this article I will show you 3 way to deal with a spouse to have him help to fix up your marriage.
1. Does she think that there is a problem? The first thing that you have to do is to establish if your spouse thinks that there is a problem. Don’t take it for granted that because you think that there is problem your wife also thinks so. For instance, it could be that she was brought up in a house where people yell at each other and she sees this to be normal. You, on the other hand, see this behavior as something threatening.
If this is what is happening then you are wasting your time to try to convince him to help fix your marriage. He doesn’t believe that there is problem in the first place!
In this case you have to put all of your energy into showing her that there really is a problem. Only after he sees a problem will he help you to solve that problem
2. Is he willing to take action? Even after your spouse recognizes and admits that there is a problem you will have to determine if she is willing to do something about it. Don’t assume that admitting a problem exists means that they will do something to change it.
He might think that things will work out by itself. Or, another possibility, she might be convinced that there is nothing to do about the situation. It has deteriorated (in their mind) so much that there is no reason to even try to change things.
If you see that this is the case with your husband or wife then it is useless (and very annoying) to keep trying to show that you (plural) have a problem. It is also useless to show her solutions. What you have to do is to show either how the problem WILL NOT work itself out by itself, or why there is still hope to work things out.
3. Is she willing to continue to work at it? Marriage don’t fall apart in a day and they usually are not fixed up in a day. It is a process and not everyone has the patience or perseverance to “stick it out”.
If your spouse began to help you fix your (plural) marriage but is losing his patience DON’T keep on bringing up that there is a problem and DON’T try to convince them that they should do something about it!
You have to only focus on the problem at hand: to keep up the fixing process.
To fix up your marriage is a difficult task and ideal both of you should fix up your marriage together. If one of the spouses isn’t interested to help in this task, then identify what is holding them back; is it that they don’t recognize the problem, they don’t want to do anything about it, or they are discouraged that the way you chose to fix the problem isn’t working.
After you identify what is holding them back, you will be able to find a convincing strategy to get them to the next stage and TOGETHER you will be able to fix your marriage and restore it to the way it was in the first few years.
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