Your Marriage In Trouble Due To Wife’s Depression? 3 Pieces of Advice for Husbands.
Your wife suffers from depression, you have also begun to suffer, and you marriage is in trouble. Understandable? Maybe. Time to give up? Absolutely not! Depression is an illness that usually can be treated if caught before it gets too bad. Therefore, you shouldn’t give up on the marriage because of your wife’s depression just like you don’t walk out on her if she breaks her foot.
In this article I will give you 3 pieces of advice about what to do if your wife suffers from depression.
1. The first thing to do is to determine what is the cause of her depression. If she just gave birth then there is good chance that it is post natal depression. By the way, recent surveys point to the fact that PND is very common effecting almost 1 out of 3 mothers!
If this is the case then be supportive of her, explain to her that she is not “a bad mother” but is simply sick (not in the head) and get her some professional help to help her through this period.
It cannot be ignored. If it is ignored not only will your marriage be in trouble but your wife might also be in big trouble.
2. Pre Menstrual Depression. If your wife gets depressed every month about 2 weeks before her period then she is probably suffering from PMS. What should you do about it?
Firstly, don’t panic and “through in the towel”. The good news is that just at she gets it every month, it also leaves her every month.
A lot of people claim that with the proper diet and exercise relieve the symptoms. Other’s need medication (mostly progesterone treatment or antidepressants) If your wife is embarrassed to speak to the doctor about it, then you should speak to him for her. Obviously, don’t blame her for your marriage being in trouble because of her moods. She is suffering just like you (if not more).
3. Regular Depression. If your marriage is in trouble because of your wife’s depression that was triggered off by some event such as a death in the family or having to relocate, then you should try to convince her to seek professional help.
Easier said than done? Maybe but it isn’t impossible (I know, you are saying to yourself, “This guy doesn’t know my wife!”)
Here is a simple, and very effective, 3 part formula to convince her to seek help
(1)Don’t give her labels, only objective and factual observation. (2) State very clearly and explicitly what you don’t mean to say. (3) then, and only then, you can try to convince her to go for help.
For example; You don’t call her, inconsiderate, self centered, or babyish. This is an explanation. Say only what you saw. For instance, “I see that you haven’t gotten up before 12:30 , haven’t cooked one meal, or smiled for the past month.”
After that you say something to the effect of, “I’m not saying that you are lazy or that you don’t care about the family. I think that you do care for me and the family”
Only after that can you say, “Therefore what do think can help you here?” If she says, “Nothing, it will work itself out. Just give it time and don’t rush me”, then you can suggest that you don’t agree with that and that and suggest that she does something to overcome her depression; either to go to a psychologist or speak to someone.
People usually don’t get married to someone who is depressed but it happens a lot of time that they become depressed. If your marriage is in trouble because of depression, don’t give up. Identify the cause of the depression and seek out the proper care.
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