Sibling Rivalries: What To Do When Kids Fight With Each Other
Sibling rivalry is very common and it happens in most families. If your
children fight with each other don’t panic. As long as the siblings
remain generally happy and maintain a good relationship, it can be
considered part of the normal stages of growing up.
Sibling rivalry, however, which causes continuous unhappiness in a
child must be dealt with. If you ignore it might not go away and it
could cause your child to difficulty making and maintaining
interpersonal relationships even when he becomes an adult.
There are a few reasons for sibling rivalry, jealousy and provocation:
- Low self-esteem.
- Lack of social skills.
- Aggressive or envious personalities.
Sub-consciously, people with low self esteem are dissatisfied with
themselves and look to others, especially family members, for
validation.
When their view is focused “outward”, what others think and say, they
become jealous since they feel that everyone is better than themselves.
When this unfortunate person also lacks good social skills he releases
his frustration and envy by “starting up” with his siblings. He is also
easily provoked. This is the main cause for sibling rivalry.
How to Deal With Unhealthy Sibling Rivalries
The best way to deal with sibling rivalries, and most problems with
children, is to do it indirectly. If you deal with it directly you risk
the danger of one of the parties blaming you that you are taking sides
and this could result in losing your connection with him.
Therefore to tackle this problem of sibling rivalries parents should:
- Ensure the child receives plenty of love and sufficient
attention. - Spend quality time with the troubled child. This makes him feel
important and boosts his self esteem. - Check possible causes for the child’s discontent.
- Encourage an open dialogue with your child. Do Not
scold and yell at him. It has an adverse effect. - Another good tactic is that, after he is calm,
ask him what he would advise his friend to do in a similar situation.
You will be amazed at the original and quality ideas that he comes up
with. - Discuss with his teacher what is happening with him in school.
His behavior in the house might be connected with what is happening
with him in school. Ask her for strategies, and solutions. Remember a
lot of teachers have much more experience than we have with children.
Also enlist the teacher’s help in a plan to build the child’s self
esteem - If need be, go to a child psychologist (without the child) for
ideas and solutions.
Jealousy and provocation could occur at any age. It usually occurs during childhood, when the child is searching and creating his self identity, but don’t be surprised if itstarts during adolescence or even adulthood! The younger the child the easier and more effective the solution will be. Once your child has left home and is a mature adult he may balk at accepting your unsolicited advice.
| Building self esteem in children, in general, and after it has caused family fighting isn’t any easy task.
However, don’t give up! A lot of the happiest and most know grew up with strained sibling relationships but worked things out. Make the effort and you will see that it was well worth it. |
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