Reframe To Stop Unwanted Behaivor Of Your Children, Mother In Law And Spouse
How do you think you would feel if you and your wife were kidnapped and put into a room with only two beds, a chair, a mirror, and a television set? Probably very scared and thinking how to escape. Now, how would you feel if you paid $150 for this exact room in a fancy hotel on your honeymoon. A much different feeling, no?
The reason that you felt different in these two situation, even though that you were in the exact same setting, is because you put your staying in the hotel rooms into two different “frames”. In the former case you put it in the frame of being held hostage, which causes fear. And in the latter case you put it in a frame of having a honeymoon which causes lots of positve feelings.
One way to get yourself , your children and even your mother in law to do things that are difficult for them to do is to “reframe” that difficult task into something that they want to do.
For instance, I heard a good example of reframing to get your children to get into bed on time on Chris Thompson’s audio course “Talking To Toddlers”.
Let’s say that your child doesn’t want to get into bed on time because he looks at it (puts a frame around it) as having to stop having fun. Therefore, what you should do is to to have a race who can get into the bedroom first. Or take out a stop watch and time how fast he can get into his pajamas. After you reframe the activity of going to bed from having to stop having fun into a game he is much more likely to comply.
How can you use reframing to cope with an interfering mother in law?
Let’s say that you realize that the reason that your mother in law doesn’t leave you and your husband alone because she is a widow and she is scared that if she will stay out of sight then her son will forget about her when she is old (which happens to be a common fear of widowed mother in laws).
In such a case you have to find stories, movies, or just mention from time to time how “distance makes the heart grow founder” and there is a greater chance that he will take her if she stays away than if she is always there. Obviously, you have to do in a very nice and gentle way, and it always work and it will not work the first time you do this.
However, you will see that with time they will “buy into” this new way of looking at things (the reframe) and they might begin to be a little less interfering.
To learn more strategies to deal with ALL AGE people (from 2 to 90) click here to access a copy of “Talking To Toddlers” (don’t get fooled by the name!) and make your dealings with your children, your spouse, and even your mother-in-law much easier.
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