Marriage Problems? Uncover 3 Causes of Depression to Solve Them
Early in my career, on a Friday morning, a couple came to me with a whole pack of marriage problems; name calling, ignoring each other, yelling at each other. A real mess. (I really don’t like ending the week like this.) According to the wife’s description (who complained that he bossed her around, was arrogant around other people that embarrassed her, and eat “like there was no tomorrow” I didn’t dream that he was suffering from depression.
However, it turned out that these are all signs of depression in MEN and after we worked on his depression things turned around for the good.
Depression is a big factor in many marriage problems and it is important to identify what is causing the depression so you’ll be able to overcome the depression and begin to solve your marriage problems.
In this article I will present 3 common causes of depression (as identified by Dr. David M. Burns).
1. Success = Worth. People tend to equate their self worth and importance with their success in business, personal relationships, or academic accomplishments. On the surface this seems true and, I have to admit, that there are some very positive benefits to be gained when you live with such an assumption. It motivates us to work better, improve our social skills, and study harder.
The truth is, however, it simply ISN’T true. It’s a lie!!! You have self worth because… you are you; a human being. Even a person who is sick and lying in bed is invaluable and precious
Not only is it not true but, even though in the “short run” it can help you, in the long run it can RUIN you.
For instance, how many people do you know that lost their jobs because of the present financial crunch (2009), that has nothing to do with them, and feel tremendously depressed and now have marriage problems. Well if you don’t know anybody like this, unfortunately there are lots of them How did this happen? It all happened because they “bought into” this defective and inaccurate belief belief that your worth is a derivative of your success?
2. Perfect or Bust. Another similar and defective believe that causes depression and consequently marriage problems is the believe that only perfection is success. Anything less than perfect is failure.
Is a successful person ALWAYS successful and NEVER fails?”
A very interesting fact was recently brought to my attention. Wilt Chamberlain and Michael Jordan, two of the greatest N.B.A. stars of all times, had 30.1% lifetime averages. This means that these two stupendous players failed to put the ball in the hoop 69.1% of the time!! Or to translate it into more practical terms; they missed 7 out of 9 shots!
So many people suffer because of this false idea. If you are having marriage problems because of this type of thinking; then face the facts and begin to see the world the way it really is; imperfect.
3. “It Should Be…” thinking. This means that a person has a preconceived idea of how the world SHOULD be. “If I’m a giving person then people SHOULD reciprocate and give to me.” “People SHOULD be more considerate.” etc.
The harsh reality of the world, though, is that not all people think the same way as you do. Therefore, people locked into such thinking get depressed or irritable.
Underneath a lot of marriage problems lurks depression. Identify the cause of the depression, begin to work on it, and you’ll solve more of those problems that you thought were unfixable.
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