Family Relationship Tips: 3 Essential Parts Of A Compliment
Abraham Lincoln had it right when he said, “Everyone loves a compliment.” Everyone means parents, grandparents, husband, wife, teens (I’m serious), and toddlers. I don’t know of any better way to strengthen family relationships, motivate people, or to put a genuine smile on their faces than with a compliment.
You have to be careful, though, on how to give one. If you don’t follow some basic guidelines, and it looks like you only “want something from them” it could backfire and it could even weaken family relationships.
In this article I present 3 essential parts of a successful and powerful compliment.
1. Be authentic. The saying “Give credit where credit is due” is so true and is really the basis of good family relationships. To give a compliment to a family member who deserves it builds family ties. This everyone knows.
However, what some people don’t realize, especially when they deal with young children, is that the converse is also true, “DON’T give credit when it is not due”. Meaning, keep your compliments true. If the one to whom you give the compliment believes that they are being credited for something that they didn’t do, they take it as manipulative flattery and that you want something from them. This is even true concerning small children (who don’t even know what flattery or manipulative means! They might not know how to say those words, but they have the feeling that something isn’t right). This weakens family relationships and doesn’t strengthen them.
2. Be specific. A compliment that is very general in nature like, “You are great” or “You are so talented” sounds more like an insincere politician trying to get a vote from someone than a genuine compliment who really appreciates what they did. This is especially true when you give a compliment to someone who suffers from low self esteem
When you give the compliment just add a few words to make it more specific and more concrete; “You are great the way that you helped Mommy or Grandpa.” You played that piece on the piano so nicely”. It will be much more effective.
3. Explain yourself. It isn’t enough just to be specific with your compliment but you should also add why you think that it is a compliment. For instance, in the examples above, don’t just say, ‘You are so good the way that you helped Grandpa. It reminded me of the way …. “ Or, “You played that piece so beautifully. Your music teacher Mr. Brown, who has an unbelievable ear for music, will be so proud of you.”
Don’t overdo it but at the same time be specific and elaborate.
Take heed to Abraham Lincoln’s insight and be generous with compliments. This will build and bond your family together. However, don’t forget these three basic guidelines; be authentic, be specific and explain yourself, so that these compliments will be effective and give the other person a good feeling about their accomplishments.
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