Don’t Expect To Deal With Your Mother In Law With The Brain Of An Ape!
Do you know that when your MIL says one of her toxic lines that sets you ballistic (”Why don’t you….., You can’t do anything right.” “I still can’t figure out why ___ (your husband) married you and not ___ (his first girlfriend). She was such a nice girl!” etc. etc. etc. that, if you don’t catch yourself, your brain looks like the brain of an ape!
Let me explain.
The primary fuel of our brains is glucose which reaches there in our blood. When there is enough blood in the brain then we are “gassed up” to make good decisions. However, when there is too little blood, and consequently a lack of glucose, our brains (specifically the frontal lobe of the cerebral cortex) lack the power to make good decisions.
We are genetically programmed that when we feel threatened or in danger there is a release of adrenaline which redirects blood to our limbs and other parts of the body; which need all the strength they can get to escape the danger. This is called the “fight or flight” response to danger. However since we have only a limited amount of blood in our body when our blood is redirected to help the rescue operation, we are left with a less effective brain. Simply put, we have “pumped up” limbs and a less effective brain; just like a strong ape!!
This is why when we get mad or insulted (which is something that your mother in law is an expert to do) we say the stupidest things and regret it for a long time to come.
This might be interesting to know (although not too complimentary) but what should you do about it? How can you keep yourself calm so you’ll just the right thing.
Here are 3 ideas:
1. This one I learned from Abe Lincoln (he didn’t teach me it, but I read it in a book about him.) When the 16th president was upset with someone he would write a full letter to him with all of his complaints and feelings, put it in an envelope and then put it in his draw- forever. He never sent it, but he got what was bothering him off of his chest in a way that had no bad repercussions.
2. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself for having such a miserable mother in law, turn your focus to try to understand “where she is coming from”. Switching from a “blaming mode” to a “learning mode” will keep you from getting getting all worked up inside (and redirecting your blood supply from your brain.)
3. Play a game with yourself. Count how many times she insults you and then reward yourself with something if she reaches 5 or ten insults in one meeting. But be serious about this and really go out to eat, to the movies, or whatever you promised yourself. You’ll be surprised at how you will stay calm and react effectively.
It is not really important what you do to keep yourself calm, just make sure to stay calm in order that you will be able to figure the best strategy to deal with your toxic mother in law.
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