Can You Fix Your Bad Marriage By Pressing Control-Z?
You cannot fix your bad marriage just by pressing the control-z key (command-z on a Mac)! Too bad, no? The control-z function is really amazing; you make a mistake, you press control-z, and you travel back into time, to the pleasantness of a time before the problem existed. Life, relationships, and marriage, unfortunately aren’t like this, not only can’t we change the past, but it isn’t even worth it to dream about those days; it only makes the present worse. So what should you do about? In this article I will show you ideas on what to do to fix up your marriage. But first, what you shouldn’t do too hastily:
DON’T RUN TO DIVORCE! Divorce is emotionally draining, financially straining (unless of course you are a divorce lawyer), and not only is it not like control-z it isn’t even like the delete button. Divorce doesn’t erase problems that are inside of you. If you don’t work out those problems that are apart of you, both the ones that your agony and suffering of a bad marriage caused, or the ones that you brought into your marriage, will follow you right into into your next relationship. Don’t make the mistake that divorce will solve all of your problems.
What should you do? Let me tell you two important
Firstly, before you go to a marriage counselor (who may be very helpful) role play a counselors way of thinking. They don’t blame you and they don’t blame the other one. They listen to both stories and say, “You see the situation as…. she/he sees it like this….. Do I understand both of you correctly?” This doesn’t mean that you are backing down from your view, it only means that you agree that there your spouse ALSO has an opinion and explanation of what happened. After each one of you sees how the other one understands the situation you can begin to look for a solution that satisfies BOTH of you .
Secondly, remember this phrase, “What you find in your dish, isn’t always your partner’s wish!” Meaning, we have a tendency to connect a person’s intent with the impact that it has on us. If we don’t get supper on time and we are very hungry then we assume that your wife is out to make you suffer. If a husband doesn’t say good bye when he leaves the house then the wife assumes that he doesn’t care about her. In reality, the story that YOU make up isn’t always true. The wife doesn’t want you to be hungry but she was stuck doing homework with the kids and lost track of time. Your husband does care about you, it’s just that he is lost in his thoughts of today’s big meeting with his boss. If you feel bad about something that happened, don’t just pout about it and assume the worst, ask them why they did what they did. You’ll be amazed at how your interpretation and their intent are so different from your story. Remember, “What you find in your dish, isn’t always your partner’s wish!”
Nobody wants to be in a bad marriage. If you unfortunately are in the middle of one, don’t run to divorce. Rather try to understand their view and don’t assume that their intent without first asking them.
If you are suffering in a bad marriage then Click here and learn practical tips, techniques, and strategies to help you successfully alleviate your suffering.
Click on the link for a list of more posts that contain marriage advice
Go to GreatFamilyCoaching homepage
Comments
Leave a Reply
-
-
Click on the image below and
immediately download the practical and
helpful book
"How To G.E.T. R.I.D. O.F. Your
Imperfect Family"
-
Click on the image below and
immediately download the practical and
helpful book "How To Get Rid Of Your
Annoying Mother In Law".jpg)
-
Click on image below and
get immediate access to the audio recording
"3 Problems With Teens
and What To Do About Them"