Good Advice to Parents: 5 Traps That Cause Parents Not To Listen
Parents today have it tough. The world is a quickly changing place and the world our children are growing up in is not the same world that we knew as children. Experts and other parents, in an effort to bridge the gap between the changing times and new information have tried to make available advice to parents. However, many parents choose to turn a deaf ear to this helpful guidance and attempt to forge their own way.
Why do parents do this?
Why shun the help and basically reinvent the wheel?
Why not give the advice to parents a try?
There are actually many reasons why some parents may decide to try to forge their own way. Experts, however, have identified five specific “traps” that may, in part, be the reason.
- The I can do it Myself Trap. Sometimes it is difficult to heed advice for parents because you feel incompetent or even stupid that you can’t work it out for yourself. You may feel that you can only be a “good parent” if you already have all the answers and good parenting comes naturally to people who are good.
This simply is not true. Children don’t come with instruction books and no one is “born” a parent. Parenting is a skill, much more complex than riding a bike or knitting a sweater. Some people may take to the skill more easily than others, but it is still a skill that must be learned.
There are different ways to learn this skill of being an exceptional parent. One way is to model some of your tactics after parents you know, such as your own parents, but, even then, you still have to tailor your parenting strategies to your own children and your own family.
- The I won’t do Anything so I don’t Make it Worse Trap. Sometimes fear can keep us from doing a lot of things, including accepting advice to parents. Fear raises its ugly head and whispers in your ear that if you change what you are doing you will only make things worse.
Nothing could be farther from the truth. If you make changes that make sense to you and you monitor what happens with your child, you can stay on top of things. Be flexible so that if necessary, you can change your tactics or even revert to your previous strategies. Give new methods time to work, though. Don’t expect instant miracles.
- The This is all Just too Hard Trap. Sometimes it is just too hard to admit that there is a problem and you may feel that it is just too difficult to try to change it.
This is actually a poor parenting trap that really has little to do with poor parenting. If you close your eyes to problems and try to pretend away issues that need to be corrected, the problems will fester and grow. They certainly won’t go away.
- The Perfectionist Trap. Sometimes it is just too difficult to admit and face failure. Sometimes it is too hard to realize that you are not a perfect person or the perfect parent.
Parents, beware of this trap. No one is perfect, there are no perfect parents and if you were perfect you would likely ruin your kids. Keep in mind that perfection is highly overrated.
If you never make mistakes, how can you learn and grow?
If you are perfect, what kind of example are you setting for your children? Are you telling them that failure is not acceptable?
If you have fallen victim to this trap, rethink your position because it will do more damage to your family, your children and to you than it will do good.
- The Unique Situation Trap. Maybe you believe that your situation is unique, no one else has ever experienced it, therefore, no one can possibly understand what is going on.
In part, there is some truth to this because every parent relationship is unique - in certain ways.
Then again, every parent relationship is the same - in certain ways.
Find parenting groups where you can toss around idea with parents who are going through the same things that you are. You may be surprised to find that your situation is far from unique.
When you learn how to avoid these parenting traps you will become a better parent to your children. Don’t be afraid to read parenting books, articles for parents, or join parenting groups. Exchange ideas and information.
Who knows, while you are getting help from others, you may be helping someone else at the same time.
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