3 Faulty Thoughts That Cause Depression And Ruin Marriages
Hamlet had it right when he said, “for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” This so perfectly and sadly describes the life of a person suffering from depression; their thinking makes life dark and bad. The suffering, though, doesn’t end with them. If you are married to such a person then you might also begin to suffer from stress and loneliness
The good news is that Dr. Aaron Beck developed a therapy called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) in which he identifies 9 common cognitive distortions that causes depression.
I this article I present 3 of them and how to help your spouse (or any loved one) change their thinking and to help them creep out their depression.
1. All-Or-Nothing thinking. Often times a depressed person suffers from seeing his world black or white; he is completely self-centered or he is altruistic. He is a worthless part of society or he runs the world. And since almost no one runs the world or is totally altruistic, they opt for the second choice.
How to help stop this debilitating thought pattern? When you hear your loved one mentioning something like this challenge them, “You never think of anyone else? Never?” You never helped in the house or in the community? What about …” Be patient and little by little they will change this destructive thought pattern.
2. Jumping to conclusions. There are two basic sub categories:
Mind reading: They imagine what someone is thinking. For instance, when his wife didn’t have supper ready on time, they read her mind that she is thinking how bad a husband he is and how she thinks that he doesn’t deserve food. When her husband didn’t notice her new outfit she reads his mind that he thinks that she is fat and unattractive.
How to challenge this? Ask them, “Could there be another reason that the supper wasn’t ready or why he didn’t notice the new outfit (from personal experiences I know that a good football game is really strong competition to a new outfit)
Fortune telling. They predict the future (of course negatively). They say something like, “With my credentials I’ll never get a job. Or I’ll never get out of this depression.”
The way to challenge them one this is to ask them (again be gentle because they REALLY think that they know what you think and what will be), “Can you possible imagine a scenario that you might get the job even with your credentials?”
3. Over generalization. Someone who suffers from depression often times “makes a mountain out of a mole hill”. For instance, they will say, “I got fired, so it must be that I’m no good at anything.” or “I burnt the food, so I must be a complete failure”. As outlandish this seems to someone who does not suffer from depression, this is how a depressed person sees the world.
To challenge this thought; ask them, “Is it possible that a good cook can burn food sometimes?”
It isn’t always clear if this thinking causes depression or if this flawed thinking is a product of the depression. Practically speaking, though, it is unimportant, as long as the depressed person harbors such thoughts he will stay longer and longer in his depression.
Click on the link for a list of more posts that contain marriage advice
Comments
Leave a Reply
-
-
Click on the image below and
immediately download the practical and
helpful book
"How To G.E.T. R.I.D. O.F. Your
Imperfect Family"
-
Click on the image below and
immediately download the practical and
helpful book "How To Get Rid Of Your
Annoying Mother In Law".jpg)
-
Click on image below and
get immediate access to the audio recording
"3 Problems With Teens
and What To Do About Them"