Does “Mommy, Can You Help Me With My Homework?” irritate you?
“Mommy, can you help me with my math homework?” Those 9 words can be soo annoying. You didn’t like doing homework when you were young (you wanted to unwind after your long day in school) and things haven’t changed now that you are older (you want to unwind after a long day at work). The only difference is that now you realize the importance of succeeding in school and that an integral part of success is doing homework. Therefore, you feel that you have to help your kid with their homework but you just can’t take the nagging and fighting that goes along with it. Don’t despair! In this article I’m going to show you 3 tips on how to keep your children’s homework under bay so you will have time to unwind and they will succeed with their schoolwork. Read more
3 Great Tips To Ease Homework Time In Your House
Every night in your house the battle scene repeats itself; you tell your child to do their homework, because you know how important it is for them to be successful in school. They refuse. You really understand them, (you also didn’t like to do it when you were young) but you can’t give in because now, with life’s experience behind you, you understand its importance. How can you end this daily (or near daily battle>? In this article I hope to show you 3 ways to end this battle (or at least minimize it) once and for all. Read more
Playback of Interview With Adina Soclof
Playback Of Interview With Adina Soclof MS, CCC-SLP
Parent Educator And “Speak So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Speak” Workshop Instructor
The other day I had the good fortune to interview Dyan Eybergen and we discussed “test anxieties”.
The main points we touched upon were:
* How to teach your children to speak respectfully
* Different ways to speak sons and daughters
* What is the most important skill needed to keep a good relationship with your children
* Some strategies to have your teen speak to you instead of just grunting.
* How to deal with homework
* How to speak to your child’s teacher
If these issues are bothering you write now I recommend to listen to the recording of that phone call. You will find it very practical, informative, and powerful.
Listen to the replay here:
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Resources:
On the call Adina reccomended:
Family Arguments: 3 Ways To Avoid The Dangers Of Them
Don’t laugh but there are some caring and loving families that connect by arguing. I remember that when I was young (a fact that I constantly remind my children) I loved when my uncles would come to our house to eat the holiday meals and watch them argue the whole time. It was so much fun to watch; they would yell at each other trying to prove their point, eat a little, laugh a little and then they started round two. When I think of those meals I have such sweet memories.
If your family isn’t like this, and they communicate with each other in a more civil way, then don’t read on. However if your family likes having “heated discussions” then read this article to learn 3 ways to keep the argument “friendly” and not lethal.
1. Don’t insult and keep it impersonal. My uncles would passionately fight who was going to win the World Series (Brooklyn Dodgers or Boston Red Sox- I guess I am pretty old), who would make the best president, or which restaurant in our city had the best food. However, I never remember them calling each other names. They stuck to the topic. When you call someone a derogatory name, even in jest, he might take it to heart and the harm will last far longer than the argument itself. If you feel like calling your discussion partner a name take a few moments to calm down and drink a little soda. It’s not worth it to get into the mud slinging mode.
2. Avoid sarcasm. People think that sarcasm is a form of humor but do you know what that the word sarcasm comes from the Greek word that means “to rip flesh”! You might only be trying to be funny, and people will laugh at what you are saying, but you are really ripping off the flesh of the other one. (If you think that I’m exaggerating, just look at the eyes of the recipient of a sarcastic remark.) The scars from such remarks will probably take a long time to heal and those scars will last much longer than the holiday meal.
3. The most important tip; remember to apologize. When you see that, even though you were only arguing and you didn’t mean anything, the other person was hurt, APOLOGIZE. After all is said and done, the next winner of the World Series and the next president is 100% independent of the outcome of your argument in the dining room. However, you don’t want to be the one that caused pain to your relative. If you see that he is hurt just “be a big boy” and say, “Sorry for saying my feeling so strongly. Believe me you and the relationship that I have with you are more important to me than our silly argument.”
If your family communicates and connects by arguing there is no reason to stop it. However, be careful to keep the 3 above guidelines in mind and you’ll be able to argue with each other for many many years to come.
If the challenges of family life are getting you down, then you will gain tremendously from the “Fix Up Your Family” video library.
Click here to get FREE access to the library and learn practical tips, techniques,and strategies to help you successfully deal with family problems.
Financial Problems In Marriage: The First Step To Reduce Friction
Hank and Alice fight over money. A lot! Their relationship is endangered by their financial problems in marriage. Alice is the thrifty one, saving every penny and denying herself treats in order to put money where she thinks it really belongs: paying bills, saving for retirement, and paying more than is owed on the mortgage.
Hank, on the other hand, is a habitual spendthrift. He grew up with a generous allowance and no real responsibilities; his parents paid for everything he requested, so he’s used to having what he wants. After several harsh fights with Alice, he grew to recognize what was going on and has been working to stop the problem.
But Alice, he thinks, can’t let it go. He slips, every so often. Buys a round for his friends at the bar. Picks up two new albums instead of the one he’s allotted each week. It’s an impulse that he’s beginning to control. But Alice catches every mistake and picks away at it, lecturing him about the virtues of being frugal…..
What’s the problem here? Surprisingly it’s not really financial problems in marriage that is causing all of the friction and hard feelings. It’s also not that they don’t care for each other. Instead, it’s a lack of understanding. Hank is trying to change for Alice, but she is not recognizing his change. In order to understand Hank, she needs to understand change and how to handle it.
According to the Transtheoretical Model for Change (that’s a mouthful), there are five stages in making a life change:
1. Pre-contemplation a person is not yet willing to change, and may not even recognize the need for change.
2. Contemplation: The stage after a person has recognized the need for change, but is not quite ready to start changing, often because of a fear of change.
3. Preparation: The person is ready to change and starts to make a plan for changing – setting goals, getting a structure to support him, etc.
4. Action stage: The coveted state! But also the most unstable point, when a person is actually in the process of changing. Things are not yet in equilibrium.
5. The maintenance stage: The person has finally made the change, reached equilibrium, and only needs to maintain the goal.
Each stage must be treated in a different way. In the case of Alice and Hank, he’s deep in the action stage, when things shift and change a lot. Alice does not recognize this and is treating him as if he’s in the pre-contemplation stage, constantly lecturing him. By not recognizing the fact that he’s moving well toward change, she comes across as a nag, and ironically making him backslide rather than helping him move forward.
To save the marriage, all she needs to recognize the work that Hank has made toward fixing the financial problems in marriage, and applaud him for them. He has been working hard to fix the changes he recognizes he needs to make. This will surely encourage him to move forward.
(It may be time for Alice to recognize a need for change in herself, in fact. Her thriftiness may be a misplaced sense of virtue; while being thrifty is good, she doesn’t need to deny herself everything – and she certainly is being unfair to expect Hank to find pleasure in denying himself everything, the way she seems to.)
By paying attention to the stages of change one is in, problems can be addressed constructively; instead of nagging Hank, Alice could have recognized his work, forgiven his backsliding, and reassured him that he could do better tomorrow.
If you are having financial problems in marriage take the time to recognize what is really going on with your spouse. Careful attention to changes can make a bad marriage good, and a good marriage great and bring you both back to be close with each other.
If the challenges of family life are getting you down, then you will gain tremendously from the “Fix Up Your Family” video library.
Click here to get FREE access to the library and learn practical tips, techniques,and strategies to help you successfully deal with family problems.
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